Conversations going through my mind about stories. I don’t wanna forget them, but today is the day I take my Cabergoline for the growth on my pituitary gland. I begin to feel the draw on my energy and confusion the day before I take my pill, which is Friday. Saturdays are usually a blur of sleep and Craig Charles Funk and Soul Show on the radio.
Sunday’s are better, I feel clear minded and my mood is improved. My endo says there must be something that my body needs in the pills besides what it’s intended. It took me five minutes to write that last sentence and I’m still not sure it’s right. Ugh.
I intended to write about something else, but I can’t get my mind wrapped around. I wanted to write about parents and how they never die. How their effects on your life never seem to leave.
I also wanted to write about self-esteem and how I’m working on mine. How it dips and how I self-talk my way out of the lows.
It’s gonna have to wait. I’ve done my light therapy, taken my morning meds and eaten. Gonna take it easy. My mind isn’t very clear today.
There are days I remember my laundry list of illnesses. I believe that once you have one illness, other ones just seem to follow. BiPolar, general depression, social anxiety, Sjögren’s Syndrome, prolactinoma. Kinda puts a damper on things. I need a nap.
I’m not depressed, just foggy minded.
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I have no way of knowing how it came to be. But it bothers me. To know that there is something, in or near my brain. Just sitting there, doing nothing but secreting ‘crap’ into my head.
One doctor a long time ago, told me that our bodies ‘grow things’ for no reason. Is this the case here?
I had a cancer scare with the thyroid. I’ve got the mental illness and it makes me wonder if this could be the cause for the mood shifts. If by taking this hormone, Cabergoline, will improve my BiPolar status or get rid of it.
There is a scariness to this, cause I can hardly remember life before BiPolar, it’s been over 20 years and I don’t think I would know what to do, maybe I could just ‘Live again’.
But, I doubt this dream.
I found some info from the Mayo Clinic and I have had many of the symptoms, including infertility and eye sight problems. Going to see the eye doctor real soon. More tests.
I’m just glad that surgery is not part of it, I’m done with surgery. Having gone thru so many operations.
There is a possibility that if it shrinks and my prolactin levels stay low for over 2 years, I can taper off the pill.
I kinda thought I was stuck with it for life. The nausea, anxiety and tiredness that is causes. At least it’s only once a week.
Otherwise, it’s another dodge for me. But I’m still scared. I don’t like this feeling at all, a sort of waiting for the next shoe to drop, type thing.
For the curious, here’s the link;