anxiety · Book · depression · Meds

Getting a bit depressed

I tend to worry. And now that I have registered for the conference, I’m still short on the hotel and transportation aspect. I know it’s early and I’ve got 3 months to save and hope for more donations.

As usual, I am being overlooked. I really want to advocate for mental illness and my way of doing this is through this book. By not being able to afford the hotel presently and by not being able to afford transportation. I’ve got myself in a tizzy.

My anxiety is rising and I just want to tell myself to calm down. But my head just goes someplace else and I feel like I’m biting off more than I can chew and as always it boils down to money. I hate the whole thing.

But I love writing. And I love where my book is heading. I can’t give up on that. It’s my purpose.

I always tell my therapist that I feel like I have no purpose in life. I have no children. No husband and can’t hold a job. So what is there to live for? I have no purpose in life.

Writing gives me this purpose. It makes me feel like I’m worth something. That’s just the reality of it.

Writing this helps me. It’s been going through my head all day and it’s only noon. I wake up at five¬†a.m. each day, so it’s been a couple of hours. I need to take it moment by moment and hope that the donation drive picks up and I won’t have to cancel.

I don’t know what to think anymore. I just want to be relaxed about the idea. That would be nice for now.

I’ve just got to keep posting to FB and pushing this cause for myself. Keep believing in myself and try to avoid negative thinking.

So, I’m gonna post the donate link at the end of each blog post and hope for the best.


bipolar · mental illness · Stigma

Stephen Frey: The Secret Life of the manic Depressive – Important film to fight Stigma.

I began watching this award winning documentary early this morning. Was only able to get thru a half hour, because I was triggered. I’m easily triggered, I empathize and identify with the person on the screen and I remember feeling or doing the same thing and I’m there again.

I saw it on YouTube, a friend of mine sent me the link. There are two parts I know of right now and a link where you can get it with subtitles in different languages.

In my opinion, it is very honest. Asks the right questions and pretty fucking accurate. It’s not boring or draggy. Watching Carrie Fisher in the midst of her illness was disturbing to me. I’ve been there. Cant sit still. Thoughts flying, such brilliance and such suffering all at the same time.

Here are the links: PART ONE:


Watch, post and pass on. I think this film will help a lot of people. And fight the stigma of mental illness

Thank you Mr. Fry.