anxiety · bipolar · depression · Life · Meds

Anxiety

Surprising I got more support for my short story on FB than here. I thought those of us who get it, would understand the story more. Whatever. Nobody reads this shit anyways.

The anxiety between the get together and my mother’s cataract surgery is starting to get to me. I’m literally having to take it day by day. Can’t think beyond today or I’ll get overwhelmed.

I just want to disappear into my house and never come out. Except for food and therapy. There’s a drop in and I want to go. Probably will. But I doubt the Marvin in me will enjoy it.

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LIFE DON’T TALK TO ME ABOUT LIFE

 

I should be very happy about my story being published. But I kinda feel like it’s not legit. Like they just needed a story to finish off their publication and threw mine in, mistakes and all.

Two other publications declined it because it wasn’t what they were looking for, “I GUESS NOT!”

No one wants reality anymore. No one wants to read about the mentally ill unless it’s “HAPPY”. There’s nothing fucking happy about existing with this shit.

But we make due. We have happy moments and those are the ones we have to hold onto.

Just shovel us back into the sanitariums and forget us again. You practically are doing that again.

What’s my audience? People. People who want to understand the truth. The reality of mental illness.

Yeah. I guess that makes two people. Me and my friend.

IF YOU ARE INTERESTED IN MY STORY HERE’S A LINK TO THE ORIGINAL POST.

STORY PUBLISHED.

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bipolar · Life · Long term Therapy · mental health · Short term therapy · Support

Is this the future of Therapy for the Mentally Ill?

Its tough enough meandering thru life with a mental illness; you’ve got STIGMA, the inability to find and KEEP the therapy or meds you may need, due to money or changes in the mental health care system.

I knew my therapist was leaving. I thought I would be transferred to another one, seeing as I have a chronic illness, the BiPolar.

But no; they just closed my case on the day of my appointment without prior warning. They no longer handle ‘long term‘ therapy.

And it was so convenient, right in town. I love the nurse practitioner, but part of me wants to go, because

I NEED THAT ONE SELFISH DAY, ONCE A MONTH; WHERE I CAN FOCUS ON ONLY ME AND NOT ANYONE ELSE; ITS CALLED INDIVIDUAL THERAPY!

I thought of going without and just opening a case when things were really tough and after I get through the one hurdle. I would be without a therapist again. Until the next hurdle, which eventually would come alone, hey it’s called life.

So I would just be opening up all these cases and it would get ridiculous. Dropping Mentally Ill patients without warning and basically saying “YOU’VE HAD ENOUGH THERAPY. GOODBYE“. Now that’s ridiculous.

I’ve now got to find another therapist or clinic. Now is not a good time. But then again, when is it a good time to say goodbye to someone who has seen you thru over 10 years of the darkest days of your life?

Not easy…

I have two options now, but I’m not gonna rush this, it’s my life I’m dealing with and I want to make sure this doesn’t happen again.

They say the future of Mental Health Care are ‘short term’ ¬†and ‘goal oriented’ sessions with the therapist typing in your responses as you say them, like a stenographer. They are basically taking dictation and offering coping skills and you have no idea what they are putting into the computer, that’s not therapy. That’s dictation.

At the end they ask you, “SO, do you think you’ve made progress in the 30 mins I’ve been typing down what you’re saying and giving very little response or reassurement?”

I find this cold, impersonal and RUDE. If I’m gonna share with you things I can’t even tell my own mother, at least look at me and PRETEND to pay attention or be concerned.

I am angry and disgusted with the whole process.

They also mention, that it’s an insurance thing. But it doesn’t matter that this THING doesn’t apply to my case.

So where does that leave me? Hunting and hoping; that’s where it leaves me.