I just felt my heartbreak and I don’t know why.
It could just be anxiety.
I have Xanax lying nearby.
Something tells me different
Like I lost someone’s soul
Things just feel lonelier than they did earlier this morn.
I want to kneel and fall.
Curl up in a ball and expunge this feeling of dread.
It comes from my heart this time.
I’m sure it’s not my head.
You can never tell with this illness
Fantasy from fact.
Did my heartbreak early this morning?
Or was it an anxiety attack.
I imagined the two of them.
Images of hands and kisses.
Laughter and king sized bed sport.
At least in my mind.
Documenting the event in celluloid.
Two bodies spent.
And none of them were mine.
Am I in the wrong place?
Distanced by assumptions that we had a bond.
He was mine.
Only in my mind.
Used and left.
Like a tissue blown and disgarded.
Onto the next.
Men have needs.
Women feel the need to be loved beyond the physical.
You'll never find me.
Not after this.
Retreating into myself, where it's safe.
My sense of self is worth more than what you offer.
Games and encounters.
Is your repetoir
If it means that I shall live alone.
At least you will be out of my head.
[To my delight, I found that I can actually write a love poem. Even if it’s five years old. ]
A lighter heart
A lighter mood
A gentler smile
A single groove
A sudden change in life and mind.
A simple shade, when the sun is not kind.
I find these things
In every breath.
I find these things
in your caress.
Within your eyes
My soul will dwell.
Within your smile
I find myself.
Let us forget about what we thought we should have,
and look at what's standing in front of us.
I need to see a glimpse of your soul.
To peer in your eyes for a moment.
Just to know.
Are you the heart I've been searching for all of these years?
I want to grow old with someone meant for me.
One who can handle all of my changing ways.
Is that you?
Is that you?
Whisper to me in my faraway dream,
Do you think you could love me?
I dream of you almost every night,
laying below or above me.
I'll hold your hand tight.
Time marches on, and we'll have the last days to ourselves.
Excuse my grammar
I write from the heart
Sometimes so fast
Autocorrect can’t keep up.
I will make mistakes with commas and such.
The emotions are genuine
And that is enough.
Build the perfect mate from your mind.
Ideal characteristics you believe create,
A laundry list of perfection.
Outward and inward you believe you can manipulate a force of God’s creation.
The laundry list of perfection,
lowers your chances of true love.
Love is not a recipe of ingredients.
Put together through time.
Love knows it’s destiny before you do and if left to follow its path.
Nothing can stop it.
You pick and point and shake your head at flaws.
And you get, another day of loneliness.
Because none can fit the mold.
Love is a gift
A blessing from above.
Stop searching for doll parts.
And let Love find you.
Let's take this from the top
Why do I talk to you?
Tell you my secrets and misfortunes.
Let you in on subjects that make me blush.
Stupid pictures and confessions
I'm smarter than that,
and yet here I am.
Unplugging from the information highway.
Do they still call it that?
I'm hiding from you.
Told you too much, too soon.
Not Lioness! Fucking LONELINESS!
I wish I were the cat in this brawl
Instead I'm the wounded.
Limping at the end of the herd
destine to die.
And knowing it.
Yet I still limp.
Trying to keep up,