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Dating has always been a scary thing to me. Ever since high school I never had a date. I’ve had boyfriends from time to time but nothing ever official. As I got older and still remained dateless. I wondered what’s wrong with me. 

I never got to sit awkwardly in a restaurant and wonder if my hair was right or if my shoes fit well enough to dance. I never had to worry about what should I eat and if something had garlic in it. Those things that, I guess dating pros have to put up with. 

Most of my life has been spent trying to get my head on straight, in other words dealing with BiPolar. Now that I am stable, I find myself wondering what and if I should jump into the dating pool. So much of me says no and there are moments when the loneliness is so strong I wish there was someone there.

I go back-and-forth with this argument and today I wish there was someone here. But an hour from now I’ll be glad that I’m alone. So much of me knows that I’m better off as I am. But is that me or is that my illness?

One day I might find someone who answers this question. Or not, either way I know that my mental health is the most important thing. Alone or with someone.