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So much has happened this past year. It feels cursed. From my brother’s death to the most recent ones. Things are just a bit numb and I’m going through the FIRST stages.

First, birthday after his death. First Thanksgiving without him. First Christmas and New Years. Next year it will continue until April 17, the first anniversary of his death.

I don’t like to mark deaths as an occasion. Death shouldn’t be celebrated in my opinion. I miss my brother and I can remember my father coming into the living room every anniversary of his father’s death and sitting there with his head down, sighing all day long. It seemed a waste to me. He wouldn’t talk, just sigh and there was nothing you could do to move him.

I refuse to do that. For me, the dead take care of the dead and the living take care of the living. Not to say that I will miss him any less.

I have to move forwards and continue to do so always. I do have some depression, just not as deep. Thank you meds and therapy for that blessing.

That’s all I have for now.

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