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To wake up crying for no other reason than I’m awake. I’m depressed and know it’s probably the rain or the fact that I missed doses yesterday. So I am in pain. But I can’t do anything about it until I take the morning dose on empty stomach a half hour before my other meds.

So, I’ve been busying myself with cooking and making playlists. I got up at 2am crying, wishing I was dead. Not wanting to be in this world anymore.

I’ve been here before. There is no reason beyond the fact that it is the nature of the beast. No event, no word uttered or knee pain. I’m on a downswing of depression and I’ve got to ride it out. Meds will help, talking with my mother will help. This, the writing, will help.

Hopefully it won’t last long.

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