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I’ll take “REASONS TO STAY IN BED ALL DAY ” for $1,000.

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There are times I wonder if my days are nothing more than a wheel of ‘mis’fortune. Not to say its all bad. I might win a contest for some small thing, or get to spend some time with my mother and utterly enjoy the whole day. Or get to sleep without shuttering from my mind wanting to get up, but my body not being able too.

All types of crap happen. And when you have more than one diagnoses, you don’t know what to pick. Is today a BiPolar day, depression episode or anxiety attack.

My anxiety has been on high. I worry about my mom and I have a morbid obsession with how I will react or live once she passes.

Will I lose my mind? What will I do when I need someone to turn to and no one is there. There’s this fear about being alone, since there is no one presently in my life.

I wake up, go thru my daily routine. We talk and then; the rest of my day goes by until I call her before bed. This gives me reassurance that someone cares.

My mother is my rock. And there are times I am hers, and I like that.

My anxiety levels go pretty high and without the xanax and occasional other med, I would be inoperable. I feel it build and build and I want to eat everything in the house and I pace and I shake and it’s one major mess.

That’s where I’ve been lately. Except the day I shut down.

There I was, sitting in the waiting room for my therapist and my mood hit rock bottom. I could just stare and barely talk. My therapist is so good, she helped bring me around, able to make eye contact and sentences.

Things have been strange. I’m still able to put in an hour a week to development of the book. So, I guess it’s not a complete loss.

There was a writing course offered, but I’m broke. Only $400 and it would teach you how to develop characters, plot etc..  Coursera is an incredible site. I’m just too poor. Oh well.

Will share again, when I am able.

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