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Don’t get me wrong, I know the importance of medication and keeping things ‘level’. But when you have more than one condition, lets say physical pain and a mental illness. Sometimes they bump heads.

I don’t have a thyroid, had it removed in March. So since then I have been slowly titrating up my thyroid medication 80mcg to the present 137mcg. It hasn’t been fun. For the first few days, I am hazy, depressed, confused and tired. I am reclusive and self hating and almost suicidal. I said almost, because all these feelings and emotions are feeding upon each other and at the SAME time, my psych meds are in the background WORKING.

So I know it’s the meds and not me, or rather the adjustment to the new TSH crap and not the BiPolar rearing its ugly head.

Add in the pain killers for the arthritis from my Sjogren’s Syndrome. Your average person/doctor is baffled by this illness. Some Rheumatoid doctors don’t even treat it, why? I have no idea, I wish I knew.

So, I’m on a low dosage pain killer; which I need to boost with Tylenol when it doesn’t quite do it. I can’t take another type because of the psych meds I’m on, but I can take Oxycodone, (generic). Which I do when the flare up hits the hardest and I can barely walk.

Levothyroxine, Tramadol/acetametaphine, and the BiPolar cocktail and vitamins necessary to survival (a malabsorption issue). And I rattle when I walk. Like a bottle of pills. I didn’t want this and there are those who rant that, I can live without all these ‘poisons’ in my body.

I’ve tried this approach. For me, it doesn’t work. But that’s me.

I sometimes wonder where all of this started. I wasn’t the healthiest youth, always sick. Several cases of tonsillitis and very thin and weak.

I can remember them packing my nose with gauze when my fever hit above 103 when I had the measles and had to be rushed to the hospital with a gushing nose bleed that wouldn’t stop. So many ice baths, I don’t remember why, always had a fever, always sick.

Then things leveled out as I got close to my teens. Except I couldn’t go out to play during sunny days. Allergic to the sun, I would get nose bleeds. I grew out of that part, but now I just get small blisters on my chest. Even when I use sunblock and cover myself.

I was ok during college, although high school, my arthritis really acted up. Gym was a problem.

Looking back, I shouldn’t be surprised that at 25 BiPolar would strike and at 47, the thyroid would rear its ugly head (dodging cancer) and the Sjogrens would reach its detectable level.

So when I’m wary of taking anymore meds. Of any new treatments. I’m facing a possible Boniva treatment for my bones (preventative). I have to supplement calcium and vitamin D3.

It makes me wonder about the next 10 years of my life. My mother battled breast cancer twice and won. So I just don’t know what else to expect, if anything.