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The more I find out about thyroid cancer and how you have to have surgery in order to discover IF you indeed have cancer, the more it pisses me off. Here is the result of my Biopsy.

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Most of the time it’s a we will wait and see type thing when they find a nodule. This could go on for years. Full of ultra sounds and doctor visits every six months. You know its there, but there is always that ‘if’ factor and things could change in a few years, you could have cancer… or not.

Then there’s the ‘we have to remove the nodule’ aspect. Where sometimes it’s not cancer, but you feel like you have just had an unnecessary operation that has put you on medication FOR LIFE.

I’ve decided to have my entire thyroid removed, because I have nodules on both sides, even though they only tested one side. DUH!

I will be on meds for it for the rest of my life. And if I have cancer, there is another step I have to follow. Another journey of illness. One of many trips I wish I didn’t have to take.

I don’t know if you can truly ‘master’ bipolar. By master i mean, be in synch with yourself and your illness. So that you can handle the ups and downs and not feeling like leaping off of a building every few days.

If the meds are right, and the therapy is right. You can survive BiPolar and at least be able to cope.

This is another ‘BODY BLOW’ and I know it. But my meds keep me from freaking and doing things to hurt myself. I realize this. Maybe it’s just blocking the emotions enough, that I can still be me and not a zombie or totally off balance.

I don’t know. I do have other issues with chronic pain. Just started in November. No one has any answers about that one either. But I will continue to address it and take the meds for that crap. Joint pain in my hips. Swelling knees. Shoulder pain. And the flare ups in both thighs where it feels like hot needles are being jabbed into my thighs, but my thighs also are tingling like they are numb.

JUST STOP. Please, I give. I don’t want to die, but I’ve had enough. I just want to live calmly and quietly and enjoy the small blessing I have received lately.

Cancer. BiPolar. Fibromyalgia???

I don’t know. But I will not be defined by an illness. As I say, it’s just an aspect.

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