Long time coming

Quiet and peace. The weather outside is the complete opposite, with the wind blowing and the rain falling. I have to head out there soon, but if it wasn’t for the present calm I’ve been feeling, I know I couldn’t do it.

My eating disorder is in abstinence at the moment. I am preparing myself for a rough two weeks or so, taking care of my mother who is going in for surgery. She is tired and doesn’t feel very well and is psyching herself up for the experience. I know she is scared and I am scared too. I don’t want to lose her, never want to see her go. Although, I know its inevitable. Just not now, I’m not ready for it, then again who ever is ready for someone they love to die?

I have a new apartment with privacy and a pleasant landlord. a true blessing from God. Neighbors upstairs are always dropping things on the floor, they are either klutzes or doing it on purpose. I vote for klutz.

My current cocktail of Latuda, Doxepin, Xanax and Vistaril. I think that’s the name of it… Has kept my anxieties down and allowed me to get quality sleep. I know the move has had a huge effect upon my current mood and life in general.

I know my pdoc will want to reduce the Xanax, but things are fine at the moment. I say, don’t mess with it.

I’m not going to speculate as to how long this will last, I’m just going to enjoy what is now and live in the moment.

It is how I have to deal with things, otherwise I’m overwhelmed and hospitalized.

I’m going to Overeaters Anonymous, although I won’t be able to go back until my Mom is back on her feet. It has helped tremendously with boredom eating and binging in general.

Right now,I’m in a good place. I’m gonna leave it at that.

Mental Illness is like that, sometimes you are just fine and the BAM!!! all hell brakes loose in your head. I’m aware of this, but I’m not going to stress over what may or may not happen for months or years from now.

Existing in the moment, enjoying what I can.


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