anxiety · bipolar · mental illness · symptoms · Thoughts

Un-apparent stress… hmmm

I am overwhelmed and stressed and have been hiding it by keeping active with walks and exercise and video games. My mom’s surgery went well, but I have to do more around the house now. Which shouldn’t bother me and doesn’t. But washing dishes stresses me out. I don’t know why, but it use to give me back aches and other physical manifistations of a mental state.

Since the BiPolar, it’s become hard for me to read books or wash dishes. With reading, it’s a concentration thing. With the dishes, I couldn’t tell you. I can do a few and then I have to stop. I wig out, stress out and need to take something for anxiety.

So, needless to say. I’m on one Xanax a day cause I’m almost out. Called my Pdoc and got the script faxed. Should have it next week via mail. BUT, I will be out before then and without some type of anti-anxiety med. So, it’s Tension Tamer and Sleepytime mixed for me. Tea, tea, tea…

I’ve been doing coffee lately. It’s good and I don’t get all hyper and nervous like I use too when I drink the good stuff. I’ve just reduced the amount to a cup and a half.

Right now I’m really uneasy about things. Just writing this has affected my mood, thoughts and made me really shaky. Me and stress don’t function well.

Gonna take it easy today. Slow walk, more tea and rest. Avoid family and try not to obsess or think about what needs to be done, paid and addressed.

Last night’s dream was too wild for words. I dreamed about a baby factory, someone I went to College with, my dead Uncle and my dog dieing or being taken away from me. All in one dream. Madness. And my knees were killing me. UGH!!

Enough complaining. My mental state needs to be addressed, just not up to it right now. Something underneath is going on and I don’t know what it is yet…


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