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I hate having this feeling of impending doom. Well, I have it again. My mom has to have a non-cancerous mass removed from her breast on Monday. She hates being put under. I’m so scared something will go wrong.

The following week, she has to have a colonstomy. When my grandmother had one, the guy messed up and she started bleeding and they almost couldn’t stop it. So, she’s scared about the prospect. I trust her Gastro, he’s worked on me. But still, it’s my mother.

Losing her would be devastating. I don’t know what my mental health will be, what I would do.

I’m trying not to think negative, or not at all. Just concentrating on the moment by moment approach. But this is what’s really going on in the depths of my mind. When she goes, I will be so very alone…