Fell off the ‘good eating’ wagon for a moment today. Wanted to gorge myself on sweets. Just to ease the numb pain I was feeling deep inside.
Cousin came over with her new baby boy. I wasn’t jealous, he’s adorable. But, what I didn’t realize was that holding him and touching him would make me want a child so much. Which of course isn’t gonna happen. So all this background stuff is going on and I just want to crawl into bed and eat.
I’m ok now. I just needed to get this out my mind and my system. I’ve accepted that I won’t have any children. But it doesn’t make it any easier. There are times I am so glad that I don’t.