anxiety · mental illness · Thoughts · Weight

One thirty AM – Saturday

“God, I feel like hell tonight.” My head, my body, my mind are all messed up. Been that way all day yesterday. Too much stimulation. Over stimulation. Too much going on in the family and I’m worried and scared and just plain upset.

The big thing is, for a change it’s nothing to do with me. It’s everybody elses life and the ripple effect. Somehow, someway, I’m gonna get screwed because of someone elses decisions. I just know it.

I try to block future thinking, but it keeps creeping thru. I’m very upset now and want and should take a long warm bath. Water therapy does me good. But I can’t ’til I walk the dog etc. Then I can relax.

My knees. I get the feeling they will forever have this tightness and discomfort. How come some 80 year old can get new knees and walk around with ease and I get a ‘binding’ issue. I can straighten and bend somewhat, but not fully. I’m feeling like such a freak right now.

I’m just gonna have to take it very, very slowly. Or I’m gonna crack.

Gotta loose some more weight. But, if I stress over it, I won’t loose any. Plan on walking around the park 3X a week. Gotta start doing something besides walking the dog. I hope I can do it. This knee thing is a real downer… I had hoped for a better experience with ‘new knees’. Now, I almost regret the decision. It’s starting to depress me.

But, then again. Who am I to complain when so many have it so much worse than I do. I have so much compared to them and I am eternally thankful and blessed. I give praise to God for the care he is giving me in my life. This is how I survive and don’t lose hope.

I’m not deeply religious. But I do believe and follow my Christian faith. I’m not big on churches, because I believe that you can worship God anywhere and he will hear you. Plus, man has too much influence in the interpretation and how people choose to love and follow the word of God. Sometimes, there are more sinners in church, than out. I guess they need to be there then, huh? LOL.

I usually don’t talk religion. Or politics. I believe that people should be free to worship who and what they wish and how they wish in this country. As long as they are NOT killing and hurting other people or animals. Sacrifices, nah. Don’t support that, or hating someone simply because they are NOT your religion. Don’t morally support that either.

Well, that’s me on religion. Politics… A cesspool of filth. No logic involved. So, it doesn’t warrant my brain power to try to understand. Granted I support some political ideas and I do vote. But, so many ideas are so self serving, it just disgusts me. I try to do the lesser of two evils when it comes time to vote. I believe if you don’t vote, you don’t have the right to complain.

My friend is super political and conservative. It annoys the hell out of me. Sometimes he shows no compassion and sound just out right racist and judgmental. I don’t like judging people. I don’t like being judged or stereotyped or stereotyping of any sort.

If I were older, I would have been a hippie and putting flowers into guns…


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s