mental illness · Thoughts

Keeping Busy

I hate when I have to do more than one thing during the week. I’ve been running like a maniac and tomorrow I have the dentist. Wait, it is tomorrow. Aw hell.

Can’t sleep, don’t want to eat. Oh well. Saw THREE doctors this week. Doctor 1 told me to eat a strict diet; doctor 2 told me that she can’t say that my endometriosis won’t come back. So we’ll watch it ’til menopause truly strikes. Doctor 3 told me this ‘binding’ in my knee won’t go away any time soon. It’s so stiff and I have this tightness in both my knees, it’s hard to walk sometimes. But I’m gonna walk. Oh yeah, and I have a pinched nerve in my pelvis which gives me some form of Neuropathy in my right thigh. A numbness and pins and needles affect all the friggin’ time. Nothing to do with diabetes, just annoying and painful enough to keep me up at night.

Today will be dental work, fillings and such. See what fun I’m having in April!!!

All types of family drama going on. Cousin moving, breaking just signed lease. Other cousin mad as hell. Other cousin broke and giving up dream of going to college cause she’s broke and parents are worthless and selfish. One good thing, my brother is back in town for a while, but it’s for surgery.

Things are gonna get worse with the first cousin and stuping our landlord. OMG, not looking forwards to that. Just wanna hide in a hole and vanish. Other brother’s marriage is broken, he’s moving out. Can’t say I’m not surprised.

And me… I’m starting to regret the semi-reconciliation with my friend. He only spoke to me once since, doesn’t answer or email me. He’s in my timeline on Facebook, but I don’t like the things he’s posting, too political and waay too conservative for me. Doesn’t even answer my messages on FB, so fuck him. I’m gonna keep him as an acquaintance. We’ll never have a friendship like we had before. Move on…

Mood wise, things are ok, ‘cept for some anxiety. A little hypomania and general disgust. Brought myself something I can’t afford, but hell. I deserve something.

Just can’t seem to get it straight. Just can’t seem to make it work. Just can’t seem to see thru the fog. Blinders on.


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