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My sleep has been haywire. I always wake up in two hour intervals. Went to bed at 10, woke up at midnight. Now I can’t go back to sleep. I’m usually up until 11am and then I take a 2 hr nap and then I’m up until around 5pm and then I’m out til midnight. Usually.

Why can’t I just sleep til 6am like someone with some sense? I know I’m stressed out etc., but give a girl a break.

No weird dreams last night. Thankfully.

My sleep pattern has been off for months now. I can go to sleep, just not for extended periods of time. Like a good 8 hours straight, that would be bliss.

I use to love my Seroquel, 20 mins later and the sun was rising. I felt rested and my mind was refreshed. But the weight gain was a side effect I didn’t need.

I have been on so many meds for my BiPolar over the past 20 years; I can barely remember what I’ve been on anymore. Psych docs always ask, have you tried this, have you tried that and I have to dig some answer out of my ass. And the answer is usually, yes. In some form. All the SSRI’s and no MAOI Inhibitors.

Paxil, Prozac, Lamictal, Welbutrin, Effexor, Celexa, Serzone. Now Serzone was like a light switch went off in my head. Everything was crystal clear and bright and I could think straight and felt like my old self. But, that didn’t last. I have a problem with meds stopping being effective on me after a while.

This happened big time with Lithium. Which also put on weight. Serzone, which gave me so much clarity, pooped out on me and I was back at the beginning. There were others, Remeron and blah, blah, blah… I could go on but I wont.

Finally, I’ve got a cocktail that works for me (Knock on Wood) and I’ve been able to sustain a level of stability for a few years now. I’m not cured, I’m still a mess. Just not a complete, in the bed, hearing things, and paranoid mess.

Compared to where I was back in 1992, I’m in a good place. I may not be where I want to be in life. Or where I may have envisioned myself back in college. But I’m here and I’m alive and things could be worse.

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