Menopause · ovarian cyst · Thoughts

Female Trouble – nothing to do with dating

This post is about just that, female issues, so you are welcome to pass it by if you are not interested, I won’t be offended. I’m just trying to work out some things in my mind concerning my current situation and my gyn history. Trying to get a picture while I never have been able to have children etc.

Here’s some history. I was a premature birth. Some ‘things’ weren’t fully developed when I came out and my mom says she watched them grow or whatever as I got developed when I was a baby. I can remember being very young and having problems urinating. So my mom took me to a gyn, who had to open my urethra more, so I could go normally. An yes, it hurt.

I started my period at 12 and had horrible cramps for the longest time. Then when I was about 15 or so, I stopped menses. Doctor said it was because of my weight. So he put me on progesterone. I took it for one year and stopped. My period stayed.

In college and grad school, my period was very erratic. Sometimes I stopped for months. Then it would appear. Then I would have a period once a year for three days and that was it for a year. This went on for about five years. My weight was fine, so I didn’t think that was the situation.

When I finally could afford to see a gyn, she gave me a D&C and I’ve been regular since. Until the end of last year and recently.

I’ve never been heavily sexually active. But there are certain situations where I should have gotten pregnant, but haven’t. I’m wondering if I’ve never been able to conceive. Even before the cysts. I know I can still get pregnant with one ovary, but it’s much more difficult. Considering I’m perimenopausal, it’s very unlikely that I ever will.

Then there’s the fact that I don’t have a partner and the BiPolar. I would have to go off my meds for at least 4 months and I can’t picture that; I know I would be in pretty bad shape.

When I found out I was BiPolar, I told myself ‘no children’. I didn’t want to take the chance of having a child who would go thru the same hell I was going thru. Now I regret never having a child.

As I said, I’m just trying to figure some things out. My surgery is about a month away and I’m in pain.

Why do I associate being a woman with childbirth? Probably some programming from my youth. Somehow, I’ve got to get over this feeling of inadequacy as a female. Sex has never been pleasurable and now this. So why bother with the whole process… UGH…

I am such a clusterf*ck of symptoms and diagnoses.

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One thought on “Female Trouble – nothing to do with dating

  1. I have malformed female organs too and some missing. I think that does something to a persons horomones that effects their whole life. The dr told me it was a miracle I had the parts I did and that it was a miracle I carried a child at all.
    If it meant for you to have a child it can happen against all odds. Don’t let it make you insecure if it never happends. My daughter has had many chanses of getting pregnant and never has, so we don’t know if she is going to ever concieve. But she has a lot of issues that having a child may make the issues a lot worse. I son’t feel like I was the best candidate for being a mother. I have a lot to regret because of my mental illness in raising children. I will never forgive myself for the poor choices I’ve made.
    Right now I think you should be focusing on you and managing your illness. What happens will happen. I hope you have a positive day hugs

    Like

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