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You wouldn’t believe how many times I’ve heard the above statement. You stay indoors too much. You have to get out and meet people, blah blah blah.

Well. I have social anxiety and a touch of agoraphobia. If it weren’t for my dog, I probably wouldn’t go out at all. ‘cept for doctor appointments. Those are my social moments. Sad but true.

And it takes a lot out of me to prepare to go and do what needs to be done. Like shopping, walking the pooch, dr. appts. and other responsibilities.

My therapist wants me to go out more. I want me to go out more. But, my head says, ‘it’s too scarey out there’. So much negative crap.

I’m hoping things improve in time. My knees are getting better, I walk better w/o a cane. Which is great.

After the surgery, I should feel even better. We’ll see.

There is always something going on and it’s usually not something to party about. I’m tired that and yes I do want some cheese with my Whine. LOL.

Many of my friends don’t understand that at 45, I’ve never truly lived. Done things that other people have taken for granted. Love, children, travel, concerts and even the little things. I started really getting out there and living, before the BiPolar came into my life.

But it was all put at a halt at the age of twenty three. Some nineteen years ago. That’s one thing my former best friend just didn’t get. No matter how hard I tried to convey this too him. It wasn’t whining, it was regret. Yeah, I feel robbed.

I was fine, well at least functioning etc. for 23 years. Then SLAM, the door shut. It’s hard to live with and something I really need to address. I realize that now.