relationships · Self Image · Thoughts

And so this is Valentine’s Day… And what have we done?

Absolutely NOTHING… I’ve always worn black on Valentine’s Day. Because I’ve never had a Valentine. Sad, but true. The one time I was in a relationship long enough to last ’til Feb. 14th was a long time ago. And it was a verbally and mentally abusive one. So I choose to forget the whole experience. It has made me wary of relationships and sure as hell didn’t help me in the self esteem department.

There’s nothing worse than being in an abusive relationship. For a man or woman. Luckily, mine wasn’t physical. But, I know many people who go thru the physical aspect and feel so trapped, they feel they deserve or can do nothing about it.

I got rid of the bum. Kicked him out before my birthday, because I didn’t want him to ruin another year of my life. I would rather be alone; than go thru the hell he put me thru. I sometimes wonder what attracted me to him. I was vulnerable and my ‘abusive asshole radar’ wasn’t up.

I know there are people out there who look for weaknesses in people and prey upon them. I was depressed and not my usual sharp self, and he knew it. Next thing I knew, he was moving in and yelling at me and degrading me. I fought back as well as I could, but all he did was destroy the little self esteem I had built up to that point.

At some point you reach your limit. I’ve talked about this before. I reached mine and told him he had to leave PERIOD. No, I don’t love you. No, I don’t need you and YES, I was doing better before you!

That whole experience wrecked me for future relationships. I ended up ‘in patient’ at the local hospital, which was good. Because I was able to re-coup and re-focus myself back to me.

So, for all of you suffering about being alone today. You are not alone, no one is alone. There is always someone else who is in the same or worse situation than you. Empathize and count your blessings. Sometimes, you are better off alone.

Sure I want someone to love me for me. But, I’m not willing to settle for abuse etc. just to say I have someone. No one should, male or female.


3 thoughts on “And so this is Valentine’s Day… And what have we done?

  1. If I could, I would take you to a fun place to talk and eat (today its ok)lol. and neither one of us would be alone today lol. You are right, You are never really alone. Compared to all of the crap a relationship brings with it, Forget Valentines day! If we had a partner it wouldn’t really amount to a hill of beans if we were to get flowers or whatever today, its an obligation. That is all. It doesn’t mean the guy isn’t cheating or a jerk every other day of the year. Do something nice for yourself today!


  2. G’Day! Piperou7,
    Neat Post, a girl i’ve been seeing invited me over to her house on sunday but i made up excuses that i can’t come i also cancelled a sauna trip early next week so basically i cancelled to dates around valentine’s day because i feel like she’s pretending to like me just because she likes me as a friend but i also have a really low self-esteem i feel like i’m not attractive enough for her to like me i don’t know which one it is but i basically cancelled valentine’s day and i’m sad about it but i can’t put myself out there anymore to find out what’s going on. i just feel like i don’t want to bother anyone to make them hang out with me.


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