Tags

, , , ,

Absolutely NOTHING… I’ve always worn black on Valentine’s Day. Because I’ve never had a Valentine. Sad, but true. The one time I was in a relationship long enough to last ’til Feb. 14th was a long time ago. And it was a verbally and mentally abusive one. So I choose to forget the whole experience. It has made me wary of relationships and sure as hell didn’t help me in the self esteem department.

There’s nothing worse than being in an abusive relationship. For a man or woman. Luckily, mine wasn’t physical. But, I know many people who go thru the physical aspect and feel so trapped, they feel they deserve or can do nothing about it.

I got rid of the bum. Kicked him out before my birthday, because I didn’t want him to ruin another year of my life. I would rather be alone; than go thru the hell he put me thru. I sometimes wonder what attracted me to him. I was vulnerable and my ‘abusive asshole radar’ wasn’t up.

I know there are people out there who look for weaknesses in people and prey upon them. I was depressed and not my usual sharp self, and he knew it. Next thing I knew, he was moving in and yelling at me and degrading me. I fought back as well as I could, but all he did was destroy the little self esteem I had built up to that point.

At some point you reach your limit. I’ve talked about this before. I reached mine and told him he had to leave PERIOD. No, I don’t love you. No, I don’t need you and YES, I was doing better before you!

That whole experience wrecked me for future relationships. I ended up ‘in patient’ at the local hospital, which was good. Because I was able to re-coup and re-focus myself back to me.

So, for all of you suffering about being alone today. You are not alone, no one is alone. There is always someone else who is in the same or worse situation than you. Empathize and count your blessings. Sometimes, you are better off alone.

Sure I want someone to love me for me. But, I’m not willing to settle for abuse etc. just to say I have someone. No one should, male or female.

Advertisements