, ,

Went to a baby shower yesterday. Good to see family and spend family time, but it went on too long and I didn’t like the fact that there was drinking going on, not good.

Nothing spectacular happened, just felt very self conscious, as usual. And was totally exhausted afterwards. When I got home, all I could do was pass out. DVRed everything and fell asleep. Didn’t want to get up to walk the dog this morning.

Funny thing is now I’m depressed. I don’t know exactly why, I’m use to being judged by people and I felt I was being judged at the shower and laughed at, not pleasant. I wasn’t gonna say anything, but feel as if I should have. I’ll never see those people again, so it doesn’t matter what their opinion of me is, they don’t know me. And I don’t give a toot about them.

But, the feeling was unpleasant. Now I know why I stay home. No wonder I have social anxiety. Just kinda wish I never went.

It’ll be a long time before I do something social again. Not because of this experience, but because it is physically and mentally exhausting. I feel so wiped out and dead. My head hurts and things just feel so awful.