relationships

Fair weather Friends

Fading Snow

Most people don’t use that saying much anymore. But it still stands the test of time as far as I’m concerned. I’m gonna relate this saying to Mental Illness. For me, it’s depression, BiPolar and anxieties.

I had a tight group of friends in college. We lost contact, as it happens. But there was one friend whom I thought would always be there. I tried and finally got back in contact with her briefly. Once I let her know I was BiPolar. It ended. She never returned my calls. Or even replied to my letter. She was so special to me, but now I felt like a leper.

I never imposed on her. Never talked about depression or mania etc. Never called her when I was upset or freaking. But still, the stigma stuck and she disappeared. This hurt big time.

Thru the years I’ve learned that it just doesn’t matter. I’m not gonna make excuses for her or anyone who runs for the hills just because you are ill. Do they feel that we will be too much of a burden as a friend? Were they ever ‘really’ friends to begin with; or just associates. Illness is the true test.

I’ve got three friends. One lives next door, the other in the city and another a few towns away. We talk on the phone, see each other when we can and offer support, when we can. We all have depression or other diagnoses. We understand each other. Some I can lean on harder than others, but they are there for the long haul.

I am fiercely loyal. Sometimes to a fault. So it hurts when someone turns on me; or away from me. I like my friend circle small. Less drama.

I’m lucky to have friends I can trust and who as a whole, understand me. Although as individuals, there are some things that one will get and the other won’t get. So I choose who to go to for what.

I’ve always said, “Get what you can get from where you can get it. No one is everything you are going to need.”

If your mother isn’t June Clever, find a positive mother role model. Accept people for who they are, not what they should be, because you can’t change ANYONE. Only yourself.

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3 thoughts on “Fair weather Friends

  1. I used to have one true friend, well two…counting his wife…and maybe four, counting his sister and brother in law. We used to have regular gaming weekends. They allways knew I was a bit of a screwball so nothing wrong there. I used to house sit for them frequently (four dogs each…total of eight).

    When I was diagnosed with Marfan’s and was told to avoid carrying heavy things (including lugging around my pc)…not only for my joints but also for my heart, the gaming started to taper off…but the house sitting persisted.

    One house sitting session, I had a severe knee dislocation and had to abandon the care of their house to my sister…thereafter, I had two phone calls from them… That’s about four years ago.

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    1. I’m finding more and more, that what I ‘thought’ I had when it comes to relationships with people, were more from my end than theirs. Sad, but true.

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