bipolar · Self Image · Thoughts

Scars

Wow, this is really affecting me. I read this thread on another site and realized how many EMOTIONAL and PHYSICAL scars I have.
I’ve had MANY surgical procedures. Some of those scars are keloid and some have healed and are fading nicely if not practically invisible.

Then there are the ‘self harm’ scars. If I pull up my sleeve, I can still see them. But you really have to look and know they are there. It’s been years since I’ve harmed myself. And there are days when I want too, but don’t. I stop myself by actually saying, “I wanna harm/hurt/cut myself”. And just by getting the words out, the feelings are released, the need diminishes and I’m aware of what is going on with me. So I’m better able to fight the urge.

Then there are the emotional scars. Memories of being an outcast, verbally abused, molested, rejected and abandoned. I really think there are too many to count. And I don’t want to relive every one of them. It’s taken years of therapy to get this far, don’t wanna revisit ‘old wounds’ so to speak.

Some of these scars are healed, scabbed or remain open and festering. Either way, I’m pretty much a Frankenstein.

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One thought on “Scars

  1. Strange…I do the same thing, only I do it with suicide thoughts. I used to burn my self with cigarettes rather than cutting…I am way too squeemish. I wonder sometimes if burn scars in general last longer than cuts or wether it is just another one of the side affects of my broken Fibrilin gene…even though collogen is more responsible for skin than Fibrilin, but still.

    Emotional scars is more difficult to heal but still…the outside will always remain broken…the inside, however, there is still hope for.

    Like

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