What is going on with my sleep pattern. By 5pm I’m totally thru. But, I’m up again around 1 or 2am. And I’m up for good. I know it’s a symptom of perimenopause. I’ve seen it hit some women pretty hard. I just hope I glide thru like my mom did. Although I doubt it, symptoms have started earlier than hers and I’ve got the BiPolar/depression/anxiety/social anxiety and whatever else you wanna add; to go along with it.

In a way, it’s cool. My meds for those problems may help in dealing with the hormonal crap that is going on right now. I don’t wanna do hormone therapy, on too many meds right now. Who knows, it may be a non issue for me. Just hoping out loud.

The Xanax increase has REALLY helped. Wow, what a difference. No more crawling under my skin, I’m more relaxed and not as irritable. Which is good. Cause I was so afraid of yelling at my mom for no reason. She doesn’t deserve that kind of treatment. Especially when she’s making small talk. Whew, the control it took too keep my mouth shut! WHOA!

There are still times I want to scream. Still times I mourn the fact that I’ll probably never have children. Still mourn my Uncle. Heck, if I think too hard, I’d be one depressed blob. So I distract my mind and blog to get the thoughts OUT of my head.

I’ve been inspired to write a poem about my mother. Don’t know when I’ll do it. But it’s coming soon. Maybe next post.