Sleep for me is the last refuge I have. A sacred place that, if I’m lucky, no one can disturb me. I escape there every possibility I can get. No worries, no stress, just my dreams. And most times, they are better than reality.

“When in doubt, sleep.” That’s my saying. It always helps, a good nap etc. Clears my mind and my emotions.

When this depression first started, I could sleep 15+ hours a day. Just getting up to go to bathroom and occasionally eat. A lot of times I never dreamed. It was just a massive escape into nothingness. There are times I miss that.

Sleeping is not being lazy for me. Lazy to me is having things to do that are responsibilities and not taking care of them. Because you don’t ‘feel’ like it. That’s lazy.

I don’t know. I just would rather be sleep than awake most of the time. I try to keep things as simple as possible. To reduce stress. It works most of the time. Life has to be simple for me, or I get overwhelmed easily. And then the anxiety, depression and all the other crap starts.

Not much of a life this side of the computer. I’m too busy trying to keep it together. A social life will come, maybe. But for now. Stability is primary.

Hoping to get a med change when I see my pdoc on Thursday. Something to combat what the perimenopause is doing to me. It’s really got me in the anxiety department. Physical reactions as well as the usual symptoms. And the irritability. OMG, I sometimes feel like biting peoples heads off, for no reason. Luckily, I’m able to talk myself down and not respond. For now.

It can be the simplest conversation and I just wanna scream. Not pleasant, not pleasant at all.