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There are times I crave human contact. And other times I hate the human race. Didn’t have samples for me, but I was able to order my Deplin today. I should have it by Friday or Saturday at the latest. YIPEE !!!

Right now, things are rough. My mind isn’t working well and I am tired. I just wish I were more stable, maybe if I didn’t have to skip doses I would feel better. I just have to keep believing that everything will be ok in the end.
I can’t lose faith or hope or whatever you wanna call it.

Tis’ the season. My thoughts on the holidays. When you’re young, so much in this world is bright, clear and beautiful. But age brings tarnish. And sometimes, the darkness can get the better of you. Especially when you’re ill. Christmas use to be a big thing in my family. After my dad died, all holidays lost their meaning and we just putter around. We still have each other, but no one really celebrates anything.

I long for the days of HUGE thanksgiving dinners and Christmas trees and presents. Lights decorating the house and the Jackson Five Christmas album playing. Just one year, I would like to ‘feel’ Christmas again.

But, I have no kids. No one in my life and my family just isn’t the same. One year I’ll do it up right. Just not now.

I know the true meaning of Christmas. I know the religious implications. I know there is far too much greed etc. involved in the holiday. But, I’m more focused on the ‘family’ aspect. I miss that.

It can be a very depressing time. But for some reason, with the whole operations thing, my mind goes elsewhere. Usually, I’m in the psych ward this time of year. Luckily, I’m out and doing the best I can. Which says a lot.

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