There are times when things r going so crazy, I can’t seem to figure out what’s real and what’s not. Meaning, you begin not to trust your own mind. You question everything. In a way, this is a good practice. But sometimes it’s depressing when you can’t trust yourself.

I’ve had auditory and visual hallucinations. Black dogs, voices telling me they are coming to get me. Whispering in my ear. This is when the illness first started, before my meds. Before therapy. After the deep darkness of the beginning.

It seems that with mental illness came other illnesses. Migraines, social anxiety, SAD. Which makes be very careful about my health. Take my vitamins, other meds, get my flu shots and just keep mindful that I’m susceptible to illness more since the start of all this.

I’ve had a number of operations over the years. Including two total knee replacements. I have to be diligent about my dental habits and because of the agoraphobia, I don’t go out much. Which cuts down on colds.

There are days that the thought of all this wears me down. Then there are days I just say its par for the course. But what course? I sure as hell didn’t plan on this! But that’s another post entirely.