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Couldn’t take my usual nap Sunday. But passed out around 3pm; didn’t wake up til 8pm. Then slept again til midnight. Now I’m up and still tired. Walked the dog early, of course she didn’t do ALL of her business. Have to run into the city later, hope I don’t get too tired.

This sleep cycle or lack of one is starting to but me. On most days, I don’t nap. But go to sleep early around 5 or 6pm. Then I’m up at 2am. That’s 9 hours. But, I’m still tired and can’t go back to sleep after I walk the dog.

I want to be able to stay up late and watch tv or talk on the phone or something ‘adult’. But my body just gives out. I hate being the only one up so early.

The xanax increase has helped me so much with my anxiety. And I take my second dose late in the day, so it’s not crashing me. I was doing this before the increase. I get enough sleep. But, I’m still tired.

My iron levels are good, ‘cept for my binding. Might be due for a visit to m hemotologist. My knees are improving. Walked around the park with the dog yesterday, it was beautiful. No cane. YEAH! Still have the tightness in my knees, but it’s not as severe as it use to be.

My weight… OMG. Gained 2 more pounds. I know I’ve been eating wrong. Too many carbs and when I eat cereal, I gain and I’ve been eating the wrong kind of cereal for my system. Gonna get some Allbran.

Here’s the weight story… Once upon a time, a 190lb girl developed BiPolar and went on Lithium. In a year, she became a 300+lb girl and then a 412+lb girl. During this time she got off lithium, but her metabolism was SHOT. It was the year 2000 and she decided to get an RNY. A form of weightloss surgery. It kinda worked for her, she was promised the weight would never come back. HA! The girl got down to 232lbs. And then, no matter what she did, exercise etc. The weight slowly came back. And she was 350lbs again. The year was 2008 and the girl decided to get a revision. Her diabetes was back and she had lost her sister and grandmother to the disease. She wasn’t going out like that.

So, she had a Duodenal Switch revision. She lost from the weight of 285lbs to 186lbs in 1 year. Success! Sure the vitamins and iron infusions were a small price to pay for health. And she did develop a leak, but survived it.

Now it’s 4 years later. Her body has adapted to the malabsorption and the weight has returned. A year of two knee operations and limited movement. Depression etc. have her back up in the 230′s. Another revision may be in her future. To shorten her common channel, so there will be more malabsorption. Sure, vitamins will have to be re-adjusted etc. But this girl is so afraid of diabetes, and hypertension and ruining her new knees, that she’s willing to take the risk.

The morale of the story. Nothing is guaranteed. Everything has it’s price to pay and there are no free rides. I’ve got a lot of work ahead of me. Re-evaluating my relationship with food. Finding my eating triggers and learning how to NOT eat sugar when I’m triggered or depressed.

I have a habit of saying, “I don’t care” and doing what I feel like doing to my body. When in fact I do care, somewhat. That has got to stop.

This has gone on too long…

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