Nowhere

The med change isn’t clicking. The confusion and thoughts aren’t too pleasant. Feeling tired of everything. I think bed would be perfect…

Wanted to write some poetry, but nothing is coming.

Am I Broken – Poem

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Just some random shit I put together. Flow of words, not sure if it’s worth the time…

Am I Broken

Slipping and tripping into a room

Sliding on by the bride and the groom

Hoping for future events to unfold

You are broken, you are told.

Not complete

Assembly required

Incomplete

Not worth the $9.99

Who should judge and who should follow

Tell me why I forgot the morale.

Broken

Worthless

Unworthy of attention

Stolen

Sweetness

A fraud, did I mention

It’s the dangerous thoughts that light the endless night

It’s the forgettable reasons you began the fight

It’s the nameless faces without mouths that bite.

Am I broken?

DIH – 10/19/12

This mess beneath my hair

Yup, it’s my brain.

It’s been flip flopping all morning. Happy, sad, discontent, disgusted, ok…. fucked.

sipping tea. hoping to calm it all down. doubt it immensely.

don’t want to do anything or see anyone. Just want to spend money on things I don’t have, but I need.

Don’t want to be responsible anymore. Been doing it all my life. Things are still fucked.

Go eat a donut…

It amazes me when people read my poetry. And actually like it. This isn’t a poem. It’s just drivel. I’m just putting thoughts down, so they don’t swarm my head.

I appreciate the likes of poetry. Don’t get me wrong. I’m glad when I can touch someone and connect and feel like,’ah, they get it too’.

As if there’s something to get. I’m just so tired…

I’ve got a friend

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Or rather had a friend. And there’s this new song by the stones called “Doom and Gloom” and the lyrics just remind me so much of him. So I sent the video to him.

He thinks the end of the united states is coming, simply because of politics. He has no hope or faith in anything. He hates the president. He hates what’s going on in the political atmosphere and yet, he’s obsessed with it.

I think he’s mirroring his own discontent with his life onto politics. Instead of doing something about his ‘own’ life condition. He rants and raves about things he has no control over, instead of taking care of shit he can directly change and see the changes.

I’m not saying that we, as a people have no power. I’m just saying shoving all his political shit down others throats and his ‘doom and gloom’ outlook on life are tearing him down. And he doesn’t realize it.

Call me a cockeyed optimist. Call me blind, stupid etc. WHATEVER. But I believe in my country and my fellow citizens enough that they won’t allow the whole system to fall apart. I vote, I advocate. But I also realize the depth of my ability to change the political machine. Which is nil. I can scream and shout and demonstrate and I will if it comes down to it.

But I won’t give up on life, simply because I disagree with the present political atmosphere. I still have hope. I’m holding onto that.

UR – Alanis Morissette

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UR
Burn the books they’ve got too many names and psychosis
All this incriminating evidence would surely haunt me
If someone broke into my house

Suits in the living room
Do you realize guys I was born in 1974
We’ve got someone here to explain your publishing
We know how much you love to be in front of audiences

Hopeful you are
School bound you are
Naive you are
Driven you are

Take a trip to new york with your guardian
And your fake identification
When they said “is there something anything
You’d like to know young lady?”
You said “yes I’d like to know what kind of people
I’ll be dealing with”

Precocious you are
Headstrong you are
Terrified you are
Ahead of your time you are

Don’t mind our staring but
We’re surprised you’re not in a far-gone asylum
We’re surprised you didn’t crack up
Lord knows that we would’ve
We would’ve liked to have been there
But you keep pushing us away

Resilient you are
Big time you are
Ruthless you are
Precious you are

Slamdance my soul – Poem

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Slamdance my soul

To id

to be

to lie and retrieve

Corrective surgery

Some actions create

Some thoughts are too late

Slamdance my soul to oblivion

Opening doors on the highway run

ninety miles flying by

I could jump and roll, I’ve seen it done

But unlike the Terminator, I won’t survive.

Slamdance my soul

Leave me breathless and bruised

Leave me lonely and scarred inside my mind

Spread me thin

Spread me open

Fuck me heart to tears

Slamdance my soul

Cause this madness isn’t ending

And the reasons aren’t resonating

And the words…

They disappear.

DIH – 10/08/12

This is Hell – Elvis Costello

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THIS IS HELL

This is hell, this is hell
I am sorry to tell you
It never gets better or worse
But you get used to it after a spell
For heaven is hell in reverse

The bruiser spun a hula hoop
As all the barmen preen and pout
The neon “i” of nightclub flickers on and off
And finally blew out
The irritating jingle
Of the belly-dancing phoney Turkish girls
The eerie glare of ultra violet
Perfect dental work

This is hell, this is hell
I am sorry to tell you
It never gets better or worse
But you get used to it after a spell
For heaven is hell in reverse

The failed Don Juan in the big bow-tie
Is very sorry that he spoke
For he’s mislaid his punchline
More than halfway through a very tasteless joke
The fraulein caught him peeking down her gown
He’s yelling in her ear
And all at once the music stopped
As he was intimately bellowing “My dear . . .”

This is hell, this is hell
I am sorry to tell you
It never gets better or worse
But you get used to it after a spell
For heaven is hell in reverse

The shirt you wore with courage
And the violent nylon suit
Reappear upon your back
And undermine the polished line you try to shoot
It’s not the torment of the flames
That finally see your flesh corrupted
It’s the small humiliations that your memory piles up

This is hell, this is hell, this is hell.

“My Favourite Things” are playing
Again and again
But it’s by Julie Andrews
And not by John Coltrane
Endless balmy breezes and perfect sunsets framed
Vintage wine for breakfast
And naked starlets floating in Champagne
All the passions of your youth
Are tranquillised and tamed
You may think it looks familiar
Though you may know it by another name

This is hell, this is hell
I am sorry to tell you
It never gets better or worse
But you get used to it after a spell
For heaven is hell in reverse

This is hell, this is hell.

Love Interruption – Jack White

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LOVE INTERRUPTION

I want love
To roll me over slowly
stick a knife inside me,
and twist it all around.

I want love to
grab my fingers gently
slam them in a doorway
put my face into the ground.

I want love to
murder my own mother
and take her off to somewhere
like hell or up above.

I want love to
change my friends to enemies,
change my friends to enemies
and show me how it’s all my fault.

I wont let love disrupt, corrupt or interrupt me x 2
Yeah I wont let love disrupt, corrupt, or interrupt me anymore.

I want love to
walk right up and bite me
grab a hold of me and fight me
leave me dying on the ground.

And I want love to
split my mouth wide open and
cover up my ears,
and never let me hear a sound.

I want love to,
forget that you offended me
or how you have defended me,
when everybody tore me down.

Yeah I want love to
change my friends to enemies,
change my friends to enemies
and show me how it’s all my fault.

Yeah I wont let love disrupt, corrupt or interrupt me
I wont let love disrupt, corrupt or interrupt me
I wont let love disrupt, corrupt, or interrupt me anymore

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